How Do You Turn Around An Unhappy Marriage- Is Divorce The Answer?

Happy Wife. Happy Life. As much as this can be a cliche, believe it or not, it is true and there's research to support this. Unfortunately, it's much less true the other way around. For example, in one study I've recently read, in older husbands and wives, husbands reported that they were happier in both marriage an in life when wives were also happy in their marriage. Happy husbands didn't seem to have the same effect on their wives. Sad, but true.

Now, before anybody else gives a violent reaction as to why I am writing this blog, I am putting this clearly out there that I am happily married to my husband, and no, we are not having any marriage issues of any sorts. I am proud to say that my husband and I have a two way relationship. Each one gives and each one takes respectively. I may be too inexperienced to write about something like this given that I have just only entered married life almost a year ago, but my decision to write about this article has something to do about recent events that involve family members. I would not want to mention them as I want to give them the right to privacy and I wouldn't want to drag their lives out in public either. I just thought that maybe, in light of these events and situations, I might be able to share my thoughts about it and hopefully help those who are in one way or another, going through the same dilemma.

Having been raised as a Catholic, and a Filipina, I grew up in an environment and a society that do not believe in divorce. The Philippines is one of only two countries where divorce is not legal. Love for family is the heart of Filipino cultural identity and cannot be destroyed by divorce. We believe that when you enter the sanctity of marriage, it is expected that you continue to uphold the vows you made and that you continue to be faithful to each other and promise to love each other till death do you part. If there are issues and problems that need to be settled the couple is expected to resolve it in a manner that considers the values and practices of our culture and religion and in the belief that the family is an institution blessed by God.

The church continues to take stand to the verse that says " what therefore God has put together, let no man separate " (Mark 10:9) and argue that making divorce easily available will lead to the breakdown of the family as an institution since couples will then therefore not try harder to make their marriages work.

Marriage has traditionally been regarded as a milestone to becoming an adult. To those who marry freely, out of their own accord and decision, marriage holds a promise of lifelong bliss. No one who voluntarily enters into a marriage agrees to the union with the thought of separating or getting divorced in mind. Never. It is the opposite, in fact.

I come from a God-fearing, value oriented family background and while I believe in marriage as a union sanctified and blessed by God, and that husband and wife should remain faithful and love each other in sickness and health, for better or for worse, till death do them part, I also speak for those who come from what we consider "unsuccessful marriages" or broken families. None of us ever dream of having a broken family. We all hope for a happy, content and satisfied family life. But if there is a serious lack of respect and genuine love and affection in a marriage causing both parties to hurt, who's to say that they should not be given the chance to just end it and move on to a better and happy life without each other?

Divorce wouldn't necessarily destroy the foundation of the family, as has been shown by Italy and Spain, two of the most predominantly Catholic countries with low rates of divorce. If a couple were happy, they have no reason to file for a divorce anyway. But it is a sad reality that many are suffering in abusive and irreparable marriages. Why deny them the chance to regain liberty and happiness?

Personally, I think that before considering ending up a relationship, we should try and mend it as much and as best as we can. After all, trials and problems are a part of a relationship as they are a part of life.

So how do you turn around an unhappy marriage and save it from going down the drain and ending up getting a divorce?

Be kind- Kindness is an attractive quality. We need to be kind to one another. Husbands, love your wives and they will love you right back. Wives, love your husbands and they will love you right back.

Listen- Listening is also communicating. It is always easy for us to get our message across and we want it to be heard. No matter what. That we forget that we also need to listen. By actually taking time to listen, we give the other person the chance to express themselves and their thoughts.

Have hope-When you're in a bad place, sometimes you can't imagine ever getting out. Unhappiness is rarely permanent and believe that things can and will get better.

Acceptance- More often than not, we always find it difficult to accept things as they are. Even our own faults and flaws. When confronted by our own demons we often prefer to look the other way and instead find faults in those around us.

Compromise-It takes two to tango and when you're in a relationship, it's a partnership. You can't have it all your way all the time and neither can your partner. Finding a win-win for both of you is ideal, but if that's not possible, we should be willing to give ground. But don't take it for word. If it's an important part of your life like values, principle, beliefs and faith, don't compromise.

Soften your heart- Turning away from your partner when things go bad is easy to do. As a matter of fact, turning towards them is the hard thing to do. Empathy is key to being able to relate to a person's perspective. Putting yourself in the other person's shoe might give you an idea of how and why a person feels and behaves a certain way.

Be persistent- If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. If you're resolved to make things work, then you will do anything you can to fix it. And if you think that it doesn't seem to work, you can always seek professional help.

Accept change- The only permanent thing in this world is change. If there are things in your relationship that need to be changed, be ready to accept it. If it is for the better and will help make your relationship turn around, be strong enough to make it.

As only half of your relationship, your partner is also responsible for doing his or her part. You are not the only person responsible for your relationship's health.