Secrets To A Happy Marriage That I Learned In Just A Year

Let's talk about marriage for a bit here and hear me out. Just two months ago, me and my husband celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and before any more violent reactions and eyebrows raised, I know I may not be the authority to say all these or perhaps may not have been married long enough to know all the secrets to a happy marriage but these I learned in a year of being married.

So, we just had our first year anniversary. He is still my best friend. I'm still the love of his life. We still choose each other. I love my husband deeply. He is truly my favorite person. But our marriage isn't perfect. It will never be. But it's good. It's a blessing. We get into arguments. Big ones in fact that we end up saying things that we don't mean and hurt the other.

So here's what I learned.

People will fail you- Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. We are human. We are naturally selfish creatures. We cannot meet all of each others needs. At some point, you will disappoint each other. Put all things in Christ. Don't put all your faith and expectations on another human being. Jesus will fill those holes that another human being cannot. Me and my husband make it a point to go to church on Sundays. We pray before we eat and go to bed and we say little prayers for each other anytime during the day.

Forgive-I mean, if you are going to be a part of a long term relationship, this is going to be a part of it. We all make mistakes. We have our shortcomings and sometimes we can't help them. Learn to forgive. It may be easier said than done but I have learned that it makes things a lot easier.

Fight- Sometimes, the thing is...maybe we fight each other when we should be fighting 'for each other'. Deal with small things. Don't blow things out of proportion and wait till it's all out there and there's no controlling it. Have a conversation. Bring it up. Love hard. Do the hard stuff instead of waiting for the other to initiate. Maybe it's OK to actually disagree and then find resolve.

Respect-Can we just respect each other as a person? As a living breathing human being. What if we treated our spouses better than we treat others? What if we put them before ourselves? Before our friends? Jobs? This is the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with, right?

Apologize-Let's get this out of the way here. We all screw up. We all make a mess of things. We make bad choices. We are selfish creatures but now that we've acknowledged that, let's give it to ourselves. Humble ourselves and accept that we made a mistake and learn from it.

Make time for each other- We can never be too busy for our spouses. We should be able to make time for each other. DO the stuff that you both enjoy. I am lucky that my husband makes it a point to do things with me and make time for me. We go for a walk with our dog, we watch our favorite tv shows and just spend a lazy day at home.

Kindness counts- Be thoughtful. Be kind. Figure out how your spouse feels loved and then do those things. My husband likes it when i give him a massage, rub his feet and his shoulders and I do that for him just as much as he does for me the things that I love like back rub or making me a cup of tea or making me breakfast in bed. I cook our meals. He takes the trash out. I straighten up the house. He makes sure to stock up on things I need and use at home. It's a two way relationship. Each one gives and each one takes.

Boundaries- This might be hard to understand but we set boundaries to protect our marriage. We talked about what and what not to do. Around people and around each other. We choose to set boundaries so that we have no doubts, no temptations,no accusations, no worries.Our boundaries are for safety, security and stability. Our boundaries include not hanging out or being alone with someone of the opposite sex. We choose not to put ourselves in questionable situations.

Trust- You have got to learn to trust each other. Trust that your partner loves you and is in it for the long haul. Communicate and do not question each other's motives. Never allow feelings of mistrust to cloud your overall perceptions of your partner or your marriage.

I am consciously aware that I still have a lot of things to learn and I will still discover so many things about my husband and about me as well. Things will change. I might change. He might change. Momentum may slow down or speed up and things will happen. But I will be confident that early on in our marriage, I did learn valuable things in life. And hopefully will carry that as I grow older.

XOXO,

Karen