Do You Have The RBF? The Insidious Stereotyping of The Resting Bitch Face
Hello. My name's Karen. And I'm not smiling while I'm typing this.
Because I'm not smiling. I'm upset. I'm a stuck up and I'm not friendly. Because I'm not smiling, you might assume I'm angry or upset, worried or perhaps just serious. Maybe I had a bad day. Or maybe I'm just stressed out with the job or because I didn't get my lasagna recipe right.
Nope. None of the above actually. I'm not smiling and I'm not upset. It's just me typing. And this is just my face. There are many examples where this came from. Growing up I always hear comments about how people find it hard to befriend me let alone approach me because I come across strong and snobbish and it shows in my face. Well, that is according to them. And because of this, I always used to think that it was utterly and ridiculously unfair.
I'm not a snob. I'm not 'stand off-ish" nor am I antagonistic or aggressive. As I grew older, it just apparently became worse. Sometimes I would think to my self that I'm not one of the most popular girls in school or I don't have a ton of friends because of this. That even before knowing me personally, the impression they get of my "face" and how I look already prevented potential friends from engaging. This has burdened me for quite a while, mostly in my teenage years where I wanted to belong and make friends as easy as I can say 'Hi. It's pretty hard to make new friends because everyone thought you'd be a bitch when they first see you. And that happened to me on more than one occasion. But once they get to know you, they know that you DO in fact have more than just one face.
And over the years I've tried to make jokes and lighten the mood but everyone takes it too seriously because they really don't know if you're joking or you're being mean. "You look like the biggest bitch ever but you're actually nice!"- Story of my life!
No. It's.Just.My.Face.
Resting bitch face-also known as "RBF" has not been unfamiliar and is not a new term in our lexicon. It is used to describe a supposed look that causes a person to look angry or annoyed without even trying when she actually feels at ease or neutral. And it's disproportionately used to describe women, which I honestly think is insidious and sexist. and then of course, there's the fact that the word "bitch" is inherently gendered, clearly and specifically targets women.
So it's appropriate to expect that if a woman is in public, she should appear likeable and pleasant. and if she's not, she'd better be quick to fix it. Trying to add up grocery bill on you head? Smile! Thinking of that argument you'll present for your theses defense while walking in the street to pick up some groceries? Smile! Better turn that frown upside down. God forbid you look anything less than warm and approachable when you're doing little more than existing in public.
That, my friends, is where the heart of the problem is. Women are constantly critiqued by how we look, act, speak and bear ourselves especially in public. Our make up is too thick, our skirt is too short or we are too overbearing and loud in public. And of course, we are not smiling enough. There's always something that needs fixing. There's always a way we can be prettier or look less annoying and more available.
Let's retire the concept of the 'resting bitch face' once and for all. Because you know what, that woman who is seating right across from you on the train or in the window of a coffee shop, who looks 'kind of pissed off?' well, maybe she is pissed off. But maybe. Just maybe. She really is just trying to enjoy her day.
One thing I want to share though, I give credit to my "resting bitch face" for saving me from the most awkward conversations that I don't want to be a part of! (Tehee!)
XOXO,
Karen