A Letter To My Future Child

Dear future child,

My heart is beating so fast right now as I try to put my thoughts into words and think of you at the same time. Images of you rush through my consciousness and it almost makes my heart explode in excitement and happiness and that is to think that you are not even here yet. Despite the fact that there are about 7 billion people that exist in this world, you are relevant and always will be. You are your best possible self every minute of every day because you are a very special human, and I love you for it.

You see, as I write this from the past...the distant past, your existence is still far off-in the hopeful future. I have been waiting for you. I have been wondering what it would be like to see you, hold you for the first time. I've had 37 years of my life on this earth comprised of lofty dreams and concrete accomplishments. I've had missed opportunities, unaccomplished goals here and there, mishaps down the road. Bit amidst all that, I've had my fair share of success. I finished school, earned my nursing degree and made my family proud. I've traveled around the world, seen things and done things most people would only dream about. I was lucky. I've experienced many adventures. Met people who have had a great impact in my life and realized that life is much larger than how we actually see it if we are willing to experience it. I've developed friendships and loving relationships, crippling disappointments too that I have yet to recover from. In other words, there was ME before YOU.

My darling, I will be different when you come along. The bits that make up my core will be the same, but the second you are born, I'll shed my independence like a skin. What's left will be sheer vulnerability that will simultaneously thrill, terrify and change me. As a woman. As person.

There is no good place to start because if I try and make this perfect, I would not be authentic. I want you to know me for who I am, in the hopes of giving you a glimpse of me before you, hoping that it strengthens whatever relationship we might have in the future. You see, your dad and I cant wait to meet you. We have been trying so hard to make you into reality and we are not letting go of that dream. Sometimes we lay in bed at night to discuss what name to give you. What school we should send you to and what sports will you play. But that is just us. Ultimately, we want you to be your own person. And I want you to keep in your mind and in your heart that whatever you decide to be, your dad and I will be there to support you all the way.

The world exists.

And you exist. It is up to you to find the harmony in both. Did you know that children are innately curious? Yo will be. Soon. They question the intricacies of the world. And are persistent in their questions too. I bet you will be one to do so. I want you to hold steadfastly to your curiosity because it is important that you question what you are told. Question the world as a whole. I do not want you to blindly believe what you are told, rather I want you to think critically each and every minute of every day. Do not be afraid of your emotions whether society tells you that you have too many or too few. The emotions that you have are yours alone. Be open with your emotions only to the extent in which you feel comfortable doing so. But be sensitive of others too. Learn to realize that as much as your emotions are important to you, it is important to others too. Do not take things forgranted. Do not be afraid to love freely and when I say this, I mean do not be afraid to love yourself and others with all of your heart.

Sometimes the world can be and will be quite and exhausting place. And it is perfectly acceptable to shy away from it. There is nothing wrong with desiring to be utterly alone at times, and there is certainly nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. When surrounded by the outside world, I do not want you to feel pressured to talk or act when you are not comfortable doing so. Nor do I want you to hold back when you truly have something you want to say. Do not be afraid to speak your mind. For as long as you know you are speaking what is right and what is true. Do not be afraid to let your voice be heard.

There is no need to edit yourself before you speak. But there is nothing wrong with doing so either. I also want you to be cautious and courteous when doing so. It is always a good thing to practice kindness and humility. Just because you want to speak your mind, does not give you the right to be rude and disrespectful. You need not label yourself as an introvert or an extrovert. Rather, become both or become neither.

I want you to value your alone time. But I also want to provide you with the encouragement to seek solace in others. There is beauty in both camaraderie and escape. In life, there is no reason to seek reassurance or validation from those around you because the only person you need consistent support from is yourself. This, I have learned myself. There was a time in my life when I did exactly that. I felt the need to seek self reassurance and validation from others. Like their opinion of me mattered more than mine. That was a mistake I have learned and I do not want you to make the same mistake. If others do not respect you for you, it is their loss. If you do happen to seek reassurance from others, be sure not to let it cloud your lens of reality of what is right and wrong. Be open-minded about things. About life. Do not be afraid to hear those who are in opposition to you. You will become a much better, stronger person because of it.

Hold dearly to your values, but never belittle the values of others. Be flexible when you feel your values or opinions begin to shift because change is normal. It is natural. Regardless of what you believe, be respectful. To yourself. To others, to the environment. To the world.

I cannot shield you from the harsh realities of the world. But I can give you guidance in seeking a better reality. It would be irresponsible for me to tell you not to be afraid of the world because there is evil and hurt in the world, but I do not want you to be blinded by it. Because as much as there is hurt, there is also love. You can choose to go on the path of greed. Of lust and gluttony, but I implore you to recognize the human capacity for compassion, love, resilience and kindness. If by any chance, you walk on the street on the way to school or work and you happen to see a homeless man, a beggar or an old woman with her child begging for food and water, stop and help. Give. Society might dictate you and say that by doing so, you are enabling them. I want you to stop and think. Is it going to make you feel better? Is it going to help them through at least for the day? Examine your conscience. Your values and what your heart is telling you. I have been through this dilemma myself. Listen to what your heart tells you. Extend a helping hand whenever you can, if you can.

You do not need to bend to fit to the confines of society.

We all strive to be accepted. To blend in and belong. So that in the process, we often forget who we are and what we are capable of because we obsess on what society has to say. We are so focused on wanting to fit in that we will almost give up on our self and our own identity to become what society wants and need you to be.

Just remember that you are your best possible self every minute of every day because you are human and I love you for it. I will always be proud of you and no matter what because you are my child.

I cannot wait to meet you. Mummy loves you very much. More than I have loved anyone else.

Your mum,

Karen