Life Lately

It's been a hot minute since I posted something about any updates in my life. A lot of things have happened over the year and we are closing in on this year already. Which I think is a good thing so I can look forward to better things to come. So many aspects in my life have undergone major changes and revamps. This year has just been a roller coaster ride of emotions, changes and challenges and a whole lot of uncertainty to say the least.

I have never felt so empty and full at the same time. Empty because I feel I have somehow lost myself to the situation I am in and full in a sense that I am full of unpleasant feelings of anger, guilt, resentmet, sadness, frustration and hopelessness. Yes. I am feeling all of these. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot help it at times. I try to pull myself out of it and not allow myself to wallow in the negativity of it all...most times I am successful but there are times when I'm not.

There are moments in everyone's life when things fall apart, wether it is in reality, or in your mind or in your heart. It is a part of living. I have been told that feeling these emotions and recognizing that it is ok to feel them is a sign of a stable sense of well-being...which as a matter of fact is quite true. We can't always be happy and giddy because for one, it is just not realistic. It is in feeling these mix of emotions that we are able to grow as human beings.

To be honest, right now feels like a giant mess...

First off, just part of life. Which, like everyone else, we all make a mess of our lives at some point. Not that I ever wanted it to happen..but like I said, life has it's way of throwing us lemons and it is up to us to make the best lemonade we can out of them...so the saying goes.

WORK

Working in healthcare as a frontliner during the pandemic, as we all know has been a roller coaster ride. Pressure of the job, the physical and mental exhaustion and the demands to my patience and dedication to my job has just taken a toll on all aspects of my health. But I do my job because I love it and swore an oath to be of service to those who need my help. Yes, the world is short staffed, so please let us be kind to those who show up.

FAMILY

I miss my family. The pandemic just made things worse specially for families like mine that are all over the world. My mom is currently battling cancer and this has taken so much toll on my family. We have been holding on to each other for stregth and support and to show my mon that we love her and we are here for her. And just like any other family, we have our issues but we pull through and emerge stronger than ever.

MARRIAGE

I have been married 4 years and the past year has been a great battle. A test to my character and self-worth. I won't go into details but I am going through a divorce and it has been one hell of a ride. Never have I thought and imagined that I would end up divorcing the man I said 'I do' to in marriage. But it is what it is. Life has a funny way of teaching us valuable lessons.

Even in all this craziness, life also just feels good.

I've also had the feeling that things are just easier when I surrender to the chaos: stop over analyzing, stop being irritated when things don't go the way you want them to be or have imagined them going.

I'm proud of myself for still standing up and still moving forward.

I am learning a lot about my strength and my character as a person and as a woman. I am learning that we should be able to love ourselves enough to set boundaries because our time and energy are precious. I have slowly learned that we have to pour some love into ourselves that we give away so freely in the first place. That we can't be of service to others if we don't first be of service to ourselves.

I am falling in love with the process of becoming the very best version of myself.

XOXO,

Karen